The Value of Cheerfulness, and Whether to Buy it or Inspire It

While most of my posts are directed at husbands and fathers, here's one that is important from the other perspective.

A friend posted a pretty interesting tidbit titled "5 Things I Did that Felt Good Today" on Facebook.

Her list was as follows:

• Fed my elderly neighbors produce from my garden
• Sprayed my son and his friend with a hose
• Shoved my husband into a dark closet and made him kiss me because he was being too grumpy
• Made a sign and marched in a Citizen Action led protest against budget cuts that would hurt the most vulnerable populations
• Sent resist-bot messages to my senators

So nice to hear someone just feel good by spreading some goodness, but as you might guess from the website you're reading this on, number 3 was, to me, phenomenal.

It's not just about cheering on the guy who got wowed by his wife. This was my response to her post:

Also think number 3 is tremendous. It's hard to show love in that situation and it's sometimes hard to realize what's going on: if you do that and feel like you're rendering payment for his cheerfulness, it could wear on you, but you are inspiring cheerfulness, which I think feels different and leaves a different mark in your spirit.

She returned:

Great thing you're picking up on here Ben. Even more so, it's accepting your partner where they are at, with no expectation of altering them -that is healing in and of itself. Loving them anyway, or especially because they are In a bad mood and in need of some love. 

It was pretty moving to see someone know that negative feelings like this, negative outward expressions, are oftentimes involuntary. Or maybe not involuntary, because emotions can be largely controlled by intellect, but, I guess, natural. They're usually a cry for support, a warning to be given some time, etc.

Spouses don't get grumpy because they want to make their spouse feel bad, but that is what can easily happen. Unless the receiving spouse has the foresight to turn that attitude on its ear, take that frown and turn it upside down, if that's not too cliche.

It's hard not to take a "down" attitude personally, like they're trying to say you are a cause, or somehow responsible for it. It's not your fault, and it takes a huge helping of charity to show affection to try to break a spouse out of a funk.

Sometimes, a grumpiness can just be a guy being pensive, and trying to work something out in his mind. If that's the case, he needs time for that to happen, and again, it's not your fault.

But when he's got no stated reason to be moping around, maybe a bold action of love is just the thing to bring him out.

And keep in mind, there is only a subtle difference between burdening yourself with the feeling that you have to pay your way to a happy husband, rather than showing love to inspire him to brighten up his 'tude. It's a subtle difference, and the only place the difference is felt is in your attitude, in your spirit.

But I'm not a woman, so...thoughts?