I've created a playlist on YouTube that features videos about improving our performance as husbands and dads, and a few other that deal with general improvement, etc.
Sunday, October 22, 2017
Saturday, September 2, 2017
Establishing a Baseline for Your Marriage
In any ongoing effort or important project, you need to know where you began if you're going to measure your progress. It is my opinion that this discussion group, and the continuing work we need to do to improve our marriage, requires the same treatment.
I speak to some guys who don't particularly express a "need" to come to the meetings. Plainly put, and as some of them have actually said, "Things are pretty good," or "We're not in trouble, exactly," or some variation of phrasing.
Is it possible, that if there is a communication barrier, that you may not know whether or not you're "good" or "okay" or in need of some more serious work...from your spouse's perspective?
A Bold Challenge
One way to figure this out is by using a simple number rating system. Rate your marital happiness on a scale of 1 to 10. Using zero as getting a divorce (and knowing zero is not an option), how do you rate your marriage? It's a rough task, if you put too much thought into it. Maybe just give it 30 seconds. Come up with a number.
Then think for another 30 seconds and come up with a number that you think your spouse would say, and then ask your spouse to do the same.
This is a thought exercise, and one that might motivate deeper thought on your relationship.
I asked one guy about this specifically. He said, "Now, for me, in a fairly new marriage, I'd be curious. If I was married for a long time, I'd be kind of scared." Wouldn't you want to know?
You can decide to share your findings with your spouse, or not. If you think it's just going to start a fight, then there's already a conflict brewing below. It may be a real eye-opener, and one that helps you know where you're starting from, rather than where you think you are.
I speak to some guys who don't particularly express a "need" to come to the meetings. Plainly put, and as some of them have actually said, "Things are pretty good," or "We're not in trouble, exactly," or some variation of phrasing.
Is it possible, that if there is a communication barrier, that you may not know whether or not you're "good" or "okay" or in need of some more serious work...from your spouse's perspective?
A Bold Challenge
One way to figure this out is by using a simple number rating system. Rate your marital happiness on a scale of 1 to 10. Using zero as getting a divorce (and knowing zero is not an option), how do you rate your marriage? It's a rough task, if you put too much thought into it. Maybe just give it 30 seconds. Come up with a number.
Then think for another 30 seconds and come up with a number that you think your spouse would say, and then ask your spouse to do the same.
This is a thought exercise, and one that might motivate deeper thought on your relationship.
I asked one guy about this specifically. He said, "Now, for me, in a fairly new marriage, I'd be curious. If I was married for a long time, I'd be kind of scared." Wouldn't you want to know?
You can decide to share your findings with your spouse, or not. If you think it's just going to start a fight, then there's already a conflict brewing below. It may be a real eye-opener, and one that helps you know where you're starting from, rather than where you think you are.
If You Don't Think About Your Marriage, It May Go Away
They say that if God didn't think about any one of us for even a moment, we would not exist. I'm not sure where I heard it, and while I have a difficult time grasping this concept (not in believing it, but in comprehending it), it does make sense.
It'spossible inevitable that I try to overthink things, and unsurprisingly, I struggle to grasp it. Maybe there's no more to grasp than that--our existence came from and relies on God's love for us.
But the concept proves itself is when you see nature reflect it, and it is clearly manifested in our life. It's what analogies are made of.
I believe that there is strong correlation between how much a person thinks about their marriage and how well they conduct themselves in it. That's what this group is all about--stimulating thought and searching for a way to implement better behavior, communication, and interaction.
So the analogy is not so perfect that I could say if you don't think about your marriage, it will not exist, but if you're not thinking about it, there is much greater risk to that happy marriage.
Marriage is important. It deserves a lot of thought.
It's
But the concept proves itself is when you see nature reflect it, and it is clearly manifested in our life. It's what analogies are made of.
I believe that there is strong correlation between how much a person thinks about their marriage and how well they conduct themselves in it. That's what this group is all about--stimulating thought and searching for a way to implement better behavior, communication, and interaction.
So the analogy is not so perfect that I could say if you don't think about your marriage, it will not exist, but if you're not thinking about it, there is much greater risk to that happy marriage.
Marriage is important. It deserves a lot of thought.
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